Question for brides, How do I tell the bride I simply cannot afford to be in her wedding?

Searcher’s Curious Account asked:


An immediate family member is getting married and wants me to be a bridesmaid. I’m happy for her and want to be there, but the wedding involves a trip to an expensive resort and we just cannot afford the expense. Our family income cannot afford luxuries like outside trips. While I realize it’s her dream day and it’s important to her, how do I get her to understand this???

I work a lot of hours at my job and I just can’t afford to pay $800 to $1000 for a trip. We can’t afford a loan, don’t have space on a credit card, and she’s ticked off that I told her no. If we go, it means that we can’t pay for our house payment, and my boss has already told me that I can’t take the time off from work. I’ve just gotten a full time job and we’re trying to catch up on bills. The wedding is in 3 weeks, and this wedding was planned at the last minute.

As a bride, how do you recommend that I get her to understand? I love her, but I just can’t afford to go.
And no, we can’t borrow money from a family member, either. We’re still owing them money from when we were behind on bills.
I just got chewed out by my father in law for not being part of the family and putting my family before my job. And he says she is being generous by paying for my dress!! Now I have my entire in-law family upset at me for not being there for her.
I’d be happy to speak with her, but she never answers her cell phone and my work schedule makes it so I can’t stop by her house when she’s home.

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